b'final mattersHigh Cost of LeavingOn roots, restlessness and the price of belongingBY KEN GAGNEAaago,Irentanapartment.MaybeinNewYork fewmonths stoodinbanquetCity, where our adult kids live, or Hobo-roominChicopee,ken just across the Hudson, or find a spot Mass.,attendingmyhere in town. But then the question sneaks high school classs 40- in: How important is it to be a quick train yearreunion.Fortyride from our children at this stage of life? years?ItfeltlikeaClose enough to buy them brunch or far clerical error, the kind I assumed someoneenough to let them live? The answer chang-would correct once I pointed it out. es more often than Trader Joes relocates The faces were familiar in the way oldthe hummus.furniture is familiar; you recognize the shapeSome days, the most appealing option is even after its been reupholstered. We hugged. We laughed. We squinted atthe simplest one: stay put. Keep the house. Book Airbnbs when we need a name tags. Knee pain was discussed. So were hairlines. Then came the stan- reset. Pretend indecision is wisdom.dard progress report: kids, where they landed, whether they call. Jobs, orThere are a hundred reasons to remain. We like the seasons. Well, I like the absence of them. Who had retired, who wanted to, who didnt admitthe seasons. Jackie is a fair-weather fan of the seasons. We like the inclusive-researching AARP discounts. ness here, the feeling that difference isnt just tolerated but expected. We have Eventually, the conversation drifted, as it always does, to the little questiona low interest rate on a mortgage thats slowly winding down. Weve saved that looms largest. responsibly. We can pay our bills. We have health insurance. Were young Sowhere do you think youll end up? enough. Healthy enough. Jackie enjoys strolling in the reservation. I enjoy I gave a vague answer. Im good at those. Because the truth is, my wifeplaying softball with my buddies. We both love city culture, live music and Jackie and I have been circling that same question for years. We respond dif- weekend trips upstate.ferently depending on the week, the temperature, the latest tax bill or whichOur street is a suburban planners masterpiece. Social, caring, close-knit. one of us has just returned from town thinking, I love this place, or fromThe neighbors up and down the block arent just neighbors. Theyre family, Zillow thinking, We need to talk. and theyre part of our story. Moving away from them would hurt. For the past five years, weve played the same game nearly everywhereThe emotional cost of leaving feels enormous, but so does the financial one.weve traveled: Could we live here? Its not even a plan anymoreits a reflex. New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the country. Our $27,000 Some places are appealing because they feel like a homecoming. Capeannual nut has almost tripled since we moved here in 1999. Our house has Cod. Narragansett. The Berkshires. New England landscapes that whisper thequadrupled in value, but our modest lot hasnt grown. It takes only 11 giant belonging of a familiar accent. Theres something comforting about the ideamother-may-I steps to cross our yarda short walk with a long receipt. of beginning and ending in roughly the same area, scratching my irrationalSome websites claim the best states to retire to are Florida and Wyoming. itch for symmetry. Id like to submit a counterargument: the best place to retire is the one youre Otherplacespullbecauseofpeople.Richmond. Wilmington.Hiltonalready in, assuming thats where your people are. Where your friendships Head. Ponte Vedra. Cities where close friends may end up. Moving therelive. Where your history still knocks on the door.would be less coincidence and more gravity. For us, for now, that place is Maplewood.There are places that represent adventure. Santa Fe. Joshua Tree. Sedona.In 10 short years, at my 50th high school reunion back in Chicopee, Places that promise clarity, or at least good light, and quiet distances that stirsomeone will raise the question: Whered you end up?the spirit. Maybe by then Ill have a better answer. Or maybe Ill say what feels tru-There are nearby spreadsheet states. Delaware and New Hampshire. Placesest: that were still deciding. That home isnt just a destination you land on, where waterfront dreams flirt with the absence of a state income tax andbut a choice you make again and again. That sometimes staying is the bravest make a compelling case in Excel. move. And moving, the hardest sell.And of course, there are passport places. Portugal. Costa Rica. Montreal.Ken Gagne grew up in Chicopee, Mass., and has lived in New Jersey for 35 years. Tempting ex-pat sanctuaries offering the illusion of escape. He is an author, former television producer and aging athlete. More at kengagne-Last year, our most serious plan was to sell our house in Maplewood andbooks.com 38/ matters magazine / hearth + home 2026'