8 / matters magazine / holiday 2018 READ & RECYCLE Featuring Local People, Places and Things that Matter Since 1990 Please address all correspondence to: Visual Impact Advertising, Inc.© P.O Box 198 Maplewood, NJ 07040 973-763-4900 mattersmagazine.com info@mattersmagazine.com Matters Magazine© is owned and published by Visual Impact Advertising, Inc., P.O. Box 198, Maplewood, NJ 07040. Matters Magazineisfree,witheditionsdirectlymailed 7timesayeartotheresidentsofMaplewood and South Orange and distributed to busi- nesses and surrounding communities total- ing 15,500. Subscriptions are available to non-residents for $30 (U.S.) $40 (Foreign) annually. No part of the publication may be reprinted or otherwise reproduced without written permission from Visual Impact Advertising, Inc. CIRCULATION VERIFIED BY U.S. POSTAL RECEIPTS. PUBLISHER & EDITOR IN CHIEF Ellen Donker ASSOCIATE EDITOR Joanne DiPasquale ADVERTISING CONSULTANTS Rene Conlon H. Leslie Gilman Sara Knutsen Adrienne MacWhannell COPY EDITORS Nick Humez Tia Swanson CONTRIBUTORS Heidi Borst, Adrianna Donat, Donny Levit, Cheryl Silver, Karen Tedesco, Keli Tianga, Julia Maloof Verderosa FOUNDER & CREATIVE CONTRIBUTOR Karen Duncan Matters heart of the matter I am not very good at coming up with a gift list. My husband, Rob, gets a bit exasperated with me when I tell him I don’t need anything. I’m obviously miss- ing the point. As my mother likes to say, “What’s need got to do with it?” But I also know that Rob is not a shopper and doesn’t like to hunt down gifts that require too much interpretation. Case in point: One year I told him I’d like a scarf whose dominant color was black. Do you know that he went to Kimaya Kama and got me the exact scarf I already owned? What are the odds? I now know that asking for clothes or accessories is cruel and likely to result in him aimlessly wandering what appears to him as the parched and barren terrain of the Short Hills Mall – for hours, maybe days, with his only respite being the new book store Indigo. Last year I threw Rob a bone and asked for a 10” cast iron pan. I already had an 8”, 12” and 14”. A 10” is what I needed to cook the smaller meals I anticipated making once our three kids headed to college. This was a very spe- cific request and within the day he was at Kitchen à la Mode feeling like an accomplished gift giver. That pan, by the way, has proven very handy. So now another year has passed and I’ve been racking my brain, trying to be in the “want” zone because, again, I need NOTHING. I’ve learned that I’ve got to be careful right about now because Rob’s antennae are up for any- thing I admire when we’re out and about. All he needs to hear is, “that’s nice” and he’s back at the store later to buy it on the sly. I’ve told him that just because I say I like something doesn’t mean I want it. Like that beautiful hand- thrown mug I saw at a coffee shop. I did not need another mug. Now, if I were a sports fan, as my boys are, Rob would have no trouble. He’d have me outfitted for all my favorite teams and attending events – hockey, baseball, track and the like. Sadly for him, I’m more of a gardening and music type of gal, although I did enjoy watching the World Series this year. Which reminds me: I hope he didn’t take my in- terest the wrong way. Otherwise, I may be sporting a Red Sox jersey and reading the current issue of The Hockey News this Christmas. Exploring this topic makes me feel a bit spoiled, but in my defense I have requested that the money earmarked for my gifts go to a nonprofit instead – a place like Heifer In- ternational where a family could receive a pair of goats for their livelihood. Or maybe some feral cats could be spon- sored via Best Friends or a well dug through charity: water. I realize, though, that that kind of request can make the rest of the family feel guilty – especially when kids are younger and want presents to open on Christmas day. Truth be told, it’s kind of hard to change the gift-giving mindset and ritu- al. But maybe this is the year for me to practice some selfless- ness and acknowledge that it’s time for my blank wish list to be turned into a force for good. I know Rob will get behind that, especially if I can spare him a trip to the mall. The Illusive Wish L ist Asking for things I don’t need BY ELLEN DONKER