b"andtheknowledge toarrivewhereshelanguage mattersistoday.Ithought, Maybe I can really doSorry, Im Not Apologizingthis. CaponehasalsoMy Bad, I Amgiventhatsenseof purposeandconfi- BY KRISTEN DI GENNAROdence to others. Han- Awill recognize the phrase my bad as an apology. nah Winters, now 22,slang-savvy reader inquired about the old-school term my learnedtoknitfrombad, which, the reader writes, has crept into usage with-Capone when she at- out resistance or invitation. tendedSethBoydenReaders from generations Alpha to X (even Boomers and ElementarySchool.beyond) WintersandherLinguist Ben Zimmer calls it an athletic mea culpa, originally used among friends would visit thebasketball players, most notably the late NBA player Manute Bol. Observers schoolsknittingcor- noted that when Bol threw a bad pass, hed say, my bad instead of my fault.ner after lunch insteadApologies allow speakers to express remorse and take responsibility for ofgoingoutsideforcausing some sort of harm. Apologies can be direct or indirect: I apolo-recess. gize is a direct apology, while Oops! and I seem to have misplaced your Itwasmagical,book are indirect yet still express regret and responsibility.Winterssays.ItwasCustomers of The Spinning Hand will find yarn, stitch markers, needles, and anything they need to beginMost of us probably think of sorry as an apology, as in, Im sorry I like an oasis. work on their next knitted or crocheted project. made a bad pass. Note, however, that we also use sorry to express regret Hannahdescribesfor something we couldnt have caused, as in Im sorry you missed that knittedpiecessuspendedfromthewill begin to learn to knit alongsideshot. This meaning of sorry as regret without responsibility has even ceiling and walls, creating a whimsi- her. been standardized in automated responses such as, Were sorry, but your cal spot at the end of a school hallwayCaponemadethetransitiontocall cannot be completed as dialed. where kids could choose to use theirfull-timebusinessownerin2021.Sometimes sorry doesnt even express regret. In such cases, sorry recess knitting with Kari Capone.Theincreasedinterestinknittingmakes an utterance more polite. Sorry, is that your bag? is a polite re-Today, Winters' interest in makingduring the pandemic was a contrib- quest for someone to move their bag. And Sorry, thats not what I saw, things continues. She studied fashionuting factor, as well as the demandcould be an accusation that someone is lying. These and other everyday design at Marist University and gradu- for a certain pink hat leading up touses of sorry show how often its not used as an apology. Unfortunately, ated this May. Her senior thesis eventhe Womens March in 2017.many people fail to acknowledge the words flexibility, leading to miscon-included some knitted pieces. Capone has her sights set on evenceptions that some people over-apologize.The knitting corner is where itmore. Her grand vision is to create aSeveral years ago, the haircare company Pantene ran an ad asking, Why all began, Winters says.fiber arts center right here in Maple- are women always apologizing? followed by scenes of women using sorry Capone is offering an afterschoolwood. in various contexts, including raising a question, entering someones office, program on weekdays from 3:30 to 5Aplacewherefiberartistscanand handing a toddler to another parent. The ad then tells viewers, Dont p.m. at her shop. A new generationcome for spinning, weaving and dye- be sorry and be strong and shine, before playing alternative versions of ing, as well as a mill that will pro- the previous scenes without sorry, or with sorry, duceourownin-houseyarnfromnot sorry instead. The ads suggestion that women small flocks in New Jersey and east- need to stop apologizing illustrates the mistaken as-ern Pennsylvania, she explains.sumption that sorry is equated with an apology. Caponesaysthosesmallerop- To test whether sorry is intended as an apol-erationsoftenstruggletocompeteogy, try replacing sorry with my bad, as in, My against larger scale operations. bad, I have a question. In most, if not all, situationsScan to watch the Generosity, care and thoughtful- depicted in the ad, my bad does not work becausead.ness are weaved through everythingsorry in these cases is not expressing remorse or responsibility. Maybe we Capone does. Shes thinking of herneed an ad campaign encouraging basketball players to stop apologizing.own business, and shes also thinkingOr instead of telling women how to talk, people could notice how ver-about how to serve her community,satile sorry is. An alternative ad could suggest that if youre not already her region and other businesses. using sorry to be more polite, then maybe you should start. One such business is run by EllenWhat other phrases do we use to soften our requests and accusations? Seidman.InadditiontoSeidmansEmail your observations or questions on any language matter to Kristen di full-time career as a journalist, sheGennaro, your local linguist, at languagematters@mattersmagazine.com. Capone shows off skeins of blue yarnsells handpainted shells that serve asKristen di Gennaro is an associate professor of English at Pace University, where inside The Spinning Hand beneath onetrinket dishes. When Seidman post-of her favorite features of the space: ashe teaches courses in linguistics. She lives in Maplewood and sometimes gathers skylight that brings light and warmth toed about her creative business ven- language data during her commute on the train. the space. ture in a local online group earlier feature story /39"