6 / matters magazine / winter 2019 READ & RECYCLE Featuring Local People, Places and Things that Matter Since 1990 Please address all correspondence to: Visual Impact Advertising, Inc.© P.O Box 198 Maplewood, NJ 07040 973-763-4900 mattersmagazine.com info@mattersmagazine.com Matters Magazine© is owned and published by Visual Impact Advertising, Inc., P.O. Box 198 Maplewood, NJ 07040. Matters Magazineisfree,witheditionsdirectmailed seven times a year to the residents of Maple- wood and South Orange and distributed to businesses and surrounding communities totaling 16,000. Subscriptions are available tonon-residentsfor$30(U.S.)$40(Foreign) annually. No part of the publication may be reprinted or otherwise reproduced without written permission from Visual Impact Advertising, Inc. CIRCULATION VERIFIED BY U.S. POSTAL RECEIPTS. PUBLISHER & EDITOR IN CHIEF Ellen Donker ASSOCIATE EDITOR Joanne DiPasquale ADVERTISING CONSULTANTS Rene Conlon H. Leslie Gilman Sara Knutsen Adrienne MacWhannell COPY EDITORS Nick Humez Tia Swanson CONTRIBUTORS Melanie Finnern, Malia Rulon Herman, Donny Levit, Carol Petrallia, Cheryl Silver, Karen Tedesco, Joy Yagid FOUNDER & CREATIVE CONTRIBUTOR Karen Duncan Matters heart of the matter I n life I’ve found it’s handy to have a claim to fame. It’s a good way to be re- membered and useful for livening up a conversa- tion. I’ve experienced this at many a party because for the last 18 years, I’ve had the claim of being a mom to triplets. Let it be known that I am not the type to use my claim frivo- lously. Over the years I’ve men- tioned my triplets only if I’m asked. It usually starts out with, “So, do you have any kids?” And hence, the tale unravels. The only thing about having a claim to fame is that people will ask you the same questions over and over again. I’ve been tempted to record the “current answer” and hit play at such gatherings, but that would be rude. Plus I re- ally do like to converse and responding to the same ques- tion for the 25th time in an evening is just part of the deal. As you might expect, the questions about raising trip- lets change over time. For instance, when I took the babies out in their triplet stroller I may as well have festooned it with streamers for all the stops I had to make because people were, well, curious. They would ask if the babies were triplets, their names and ages and how I was coping. Occasionally a person would query how I delivered them (c-section?) and the very bold would inquire about the means of conception. I could’ve used that play button to deliver a good one-liner, but I refrained. I think just a handful of people told me they were glad they weren’t me, to which I’d respond that I was thrilled I was me…because I was. I mean, I had three beautiful babies! These days the questions revolve around putting our three through college. When they were juniors and seniors in high school, it was questions such as, "How are you going to pay for three college tuitions?" "Are they all go- ing to the same school?" "How can you manage three kids writing college essays?" "What if everyone graduates on the same day? You can’t split your- self in thirds!" And, of course, the empty nest. My friends were con- cerned that they might find me drowning in a puddle of tears bereft of a sense of self. Thankfully, that did not happen. After all, I have cats. Sure, it was difficult seeing our house empty out child by child over the course of three August weekends. Walking past vacant bedrooms was hard and initially weekends were quiet. But we have survived, dare I say thrived. The kids recently came home for Christmas break and for the first week they all seemed to be more mature ver- sions of the children we had dropped off at college. It was fun to hear their stories about roommates, new friends and professors. But before long they were back to their usual selves, littering the hallway with shoes, lobbing the occa- sional snarky comment my way and asking when dinner would be ready – several times each day after 5 p.m. What everyone found the most unnerving was that I had unplugged the basement refrigerator. I told them that two people don’t need to have two full refrigerators, but it just didn’t seem right to them. My daughter, Madeline, got emotional and said it was stupid. Perhaps it’s okay for their world away from school to change, but home is supposed to stay the same. Just for the record, I did turn the refrigera- tor on while they were home to accommodate the massive amount of food I had to stock. I imagine the era of one-size-fits-all questions is coming to an end. Most likely, the kids will be finished with college in 2022 and there will be inquiries about careers and family life. But I’ll always have my claim to fame. I wouldn’t have it any other way. My Claim to Fame Life as a mom of triplets and an object of curiosity BY ELLEN DONKER After these three were born, I had a new identity as a mom of triplets. L-R: Christian, Madeline and Timothy