8 / matters magazine / school 2018 READ & RECYLE Featuring Local People, Places and Things that Matter Since 1990 PUBLISHER & EDITOR IN CHIEF Ellen Donker ASSOCIATE EDITOR Joanne DiPasquale ADVERTISING CONSULTANTS Rene Conlon H. Leslie Gilman Sara Knutsen Adrienne MacWhannell COPY EDITORS Nick Humez Tia Swanson CONTRIBUTORS Adrianna Donat, Malia Rulon Herman, Donny Levit, William Roth, Karen Tedesco, Joy Yagid FOUNDER & CREATIVE CONTRIBUTOR Karen Duncan Matters Please address all correspondence to: Visual Impact Advertising, Inc.© P.O Box 198 Maplewood, NJ 07040 973-763-4900 mattersmagazine.com MattersHello@gmail.com MattersMagazine© isownedandpublishedby VisualImpactAdvertising,Inc.,P.O.Box198 Maplewood,NJ07040.MattersMagazineis free, with issues direct mailed 7 times a year to the residents of Maplewood and South Orange and distributed to businesses and surrounding communities totaling 15,500. Subscriptions are available to non-residents for $30 (U.S.) $40 (Foreign) annually. No part of the publication may be reprinted or otherwise reproduced without written per- missionfromVisualImpactAdvertising,Inc. CIRCULATION VERIFIED BY U.S. POSTAL RECEIPTS. heart of the matter I ’ve got school on my mind and I don’t have to think too hard to know why. My kids have just concluded their career at Columbia High School and are now entering college. It’s got me thinking and reflecting and passing along unsolic- ited advice, which, after all, is part of a mother’s job. Mostly, though, I’ve told my children about how much I loved college; and I can’t wait to see them love it, too. Although I never stud- ied harder, I admit I adored my four years away from home more for the friends than the academics. Don’t get me wrong – I loved my classes and the process of discovery, but my best memories are from life that happened with my friends apart from class, when we were figuring out who we were, enjoying our independence and trying new adventures. To this day, my group of college friends are among my most enduring relationships. That phase of my life has been over for a very long time but somehow a core group of five or six of us – scattered across the country – has stayed in touch. Our communi- cations have ebbed and flowed depending on life stages. When our children were young we had little extra time or energy to travel to see each other. But now that our kids are older, we’ve been able to get together more often for a girls’ weekend. These gatherings usually take place once a year and we try to change up the location, visiting each other in our far-flung locales. My last girls’ weekend was in March when six of us gathered in New York City for a few days. We usually spend our time just catching up on each other’s lives. Sometimes we take in a show or event. And food always figures big. This time, since New York is “my city,” I planned the restaurants. We had a good laugh over dim sum when we found our table surrounded by carts with food we didn’t recognize and ag- gressive waiters we couldn’t understand. But my favorite meal was a Sunday brunch at Freemans, at the end of a well- hidden alley on the Lower East Side. There’s something restor- ative about being with people who have known you for a very long time and picking up the conversation as if you’d been living next door all your lives. I guess it’s the ultimate comfort to be known and loved by people who have seen you through the many passages of time. Almost two months ago our group gathered once again – in Buffalo – but I wouldn’t call it a girls’ weekend because it was filled with sorrow. Karin, one of our besties, had just passed away from cancer and it was fast. None of us had expected her to go so quickly. In fact, we thought she’d beat it and be able to share in the joy of her first grandson, the addition of a new daughter-in-law, and the last of her sons graduating college. So our group has shrunk, and although we share a Chris- tian faith that brings us hope, we can’t help but mourn for her family and ourselves. We miss Karin, and my breath catches every time I think of her. Lately, she had been my cheerleader, encouraging me in my role as publisher of the magazine, and telling me the stories she enjoyed. Plus she liked almost every Matters Instagram post. I appreciated that! I’m sure our girls’ weekends will continue and we will cherish them all the more. Tragedy has a way of sharpening our vision and making us see what matters. For my chil- dren, who have observed the richness of my friendships, I place that desire high on the hierarchy of my wishes for them this fall. Friendship is a beautiful and fulfilling way to love and be loved, and I recommend it highly. Enduring Friendships Making the most of my college years BY ELLEN DONKER Our most recent girl's weekend. L-R: College friends Shelley, me, Karin, Judy and Beth. We missed having Janice at this brunch.