b'final mattersThe Night I Asked the World to Send my Sump Pump Good JujuTropical storm Idas most unwelcome visitBY DONNY LEVIT" onotunderestimatethephoto of her submerged basement. Others had water D powerofwater.Besttore- I didnt fully grasp what was going on outsidepour in after blowing out their basement windows. spect and fear the wet stuff.We offered what we could in the way of wet vacs and So said my dyed-in-the-woolportable pumps.shipbuilderfriendinhisNervously crunching my ice cubes, I came up heavy Cajun accent back dur- with an idea. Maybe Ellen would green light another ingmyNewOrleansyears,untilaliveInstagrampoppeduponmyphone.FinalMat-after my banged-up 1987 Pontiac LeMans floodedSabatino of local pizza fame was telling anyone whoterssoI all the way to its roofa casualty of a relentless Cres- was listening to stay home. He had just dropped offcouldex-cent City storm. employees when he started to broadcast from Val- orcisemy Having lived in apartment buildings for most ofley Street. Usually, I only check out @sabatinospiz- r e s i d u a l my life, I dodged many a water bullet until Novem- zagram to ogle his roasted zucchini pie. This time, Ia n x i e t y ber 2017, months after we moved to Maplewood. Awas watching Memorial Park fill with so much waterfrom2017 clueless new homeowner, I watched helplessly as ourthat it appeared to have waves and a current. andtryto boiler cracked and emptied its entire contents whileNicole and I feverishly pulled up every item fromarticulate our sump pump simply could not keep up. The onlyour basement floor: guitars, two gigantic spiders fromwhathap-thing missing that night was a Norse kraken rising upour Halloween stash, my mother-in-laws bridal linge- penedthe from the sump pump and sucking me through therie (long story and, I know, so awkward), Akashis dognightIda northern New Jersey swamps to deposit me next tofoodit all went upstairs or to higher shelves. came?And Jimmy Hoffas body in the Meadowlands. Quite anIm sort of embarrassed to admit this, but I lit- what would introduction to suburban life. Thanks to Ellenwhoerally placed my voodoo doll at the mouth of ourIwriteatIn full-fledged desperation, the author publishes this very magazine youre readingI wassump pump. I mean, I didnt even do it with irony.the end? placed his voodoo doll at the mouth of able to write about that event in this Final MattersThis was full-fledged desperation and I was on boardIdprob- his sump pump.section and exorcise some demons while doing so.withanysuperstitiousritualthatwouldkeeptheablyfinish My wife, Nicole, and I quickly shored up thebasement dry. the story by admitting to the readers that for the basementwithanewboilerandabackupsumpEyeing an area near the basement sink, I noticedremainder of the time we live in this house, my trea-pump, and re-did almost the entire drainage systemwater seeping up through the floor. Nicole broughtsuredvoodoodollwillpermanentlyrestnearthe on our property. We tried to turn our trauma intodown towels. I poured myself a whiskey, and begansump pump. And, of course, to express how deeply action. to sop up the water. Nicole brought down ever moresorry I am that others were not so lucky.This time, just hours before that infamous firsttowels. By 1:00 a.m. and dozens of towels later, IDonny Levit is a writer and Maplewood resident. He day of September when Ida made her unwelcomeknew we were going to be ok. is the author of "Rock n Roll Lies, 10 Stories." You can visit to our neck of the woods, I was furiously stalk- The hardest part of the night was hearing fromhear him DJ his indie rock show "Under the Influence" ing the Facebook pages of my New Orleans peeps toway too many people who were not ok. We had mul- and his jazz show "Kind of Pool" on Bone Pool Radio. see how they survived their hit from the hurricane.tiple group texts going with friends and neighborsFollowhimonInstagram@undertheinfluenceradio Luckily, they were all safe. who were bailing out water. One friend sent us aand @kindofpoolradio.62/ matters magazine / fall 2021'